i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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