Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
