Ketchup is God's man juice
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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