We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
