May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
