So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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