he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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