I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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