Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
