I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I look better un-naked...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.