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end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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