I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
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She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject