And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday