i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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