i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
