69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
