If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
