think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
