why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
