dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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