the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
