He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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