Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
