BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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