Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
