How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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