yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
