My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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