Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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