The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
