Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
