laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
