i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
