Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
