ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
