Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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