when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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