mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
