shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
