Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
