The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
