Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
