And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
