it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
