i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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