i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize