his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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