i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
