You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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