I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
