The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
