I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
