every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
