If i come over, it means nothing
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
