You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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