I wish I could teleport
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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