fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
