Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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