I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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