U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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