i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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