I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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