She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
