i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
its liver damage thursday
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
