I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
