Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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