she woke up with a sticky ear
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
