so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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