A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
