I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
